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Monday, April 13, 2009

Maritial Problems - Do I Speak Up?

Dear Sadie,

My daughter and her husband have started having marital problems. It seems that he is infatuated with a married woman at work. He secretly e mails and texts her. The married woman encourages it, knowing my daughter will find out, then she plays innocent. My daughter has threatened to leave if this doesn't stop but he begs her not to. As her mother, do you think I should remain quiet or kick his butt all across the state? It is very hard watching my daughter be mistreated.

WOW! First of all I am sorry that your daughter is going through this. What heartache this must be causing her. Obviously, as her mom you are feeling that pain right along with her. That is a hard question to answer as far as what your role should be. Does your daughter want you involved? Is she sharing things with you? Will you be able to forgive him if everything works out between your daughter and husband some day?

If your daughter was fine with you talking to her husband then I would say "go for it". It would take a lot of restraint to remain calm and encourage him to do what is right. I don't know if you're one who prays, but I know that would be the number one thing for me to do before I would even begin to open my mouth. I have a habit of speaking my mind before I think.

Even though you didn't ask about this I would like to say that I hope your daughter is able to set some boundaries. Letting him know what is okay and what is not okay in their marriage. How she expects to be treated as a wife. Old saying - but we teach others how to treat us. I am never one to advise someone to divorce but I do believe in seeking good counsel and possibly separating if that could bring some healing.

I'm sure there are others out there with some wisdom to share...please share it!!


Anonymous said...

Having been in this situation myself, I know now, that anybody saying anything may have helped me. At least it would have made me do some thinking about what I was doing. But noooo, everybody kept quiet, minded their own business. Made it seem like what I was doing was ok to them, even though they talked behind my back. My own family, and they didn't seem to care enough to let me know that what I was doing was wrong.

Sadie's right, first go to your daughter and ask her if she wants you to say something. Maybe if he knew that other people besides his wife knew about this, he would knock it off.

Anonymous said...

I also have been in a situation of wanting to hear someone say. "you know what your doing is wrong" but like the other commenter said, everyone pretended it was ok.

I think she should talk to her daughter and see what role if any she wants her to play. And like always we need to constantly pray for our children.

nancygrayce said...

Being the mother of a child going through a divorce.....I would lovingly let my child know that I was there to support them, encourage them to get into counseling, Christian counseling, then let them direct me as to how to proceed. I know that as mothers, we want to tell the spouse everything we think they "need to know" to save their marriage....but the truth is, that all we can do is love them, love the spouse and give our prayers and support.