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Thursday, April 30, 2009

My Son is LAZY

Here's my question.....My son is completely lazy!! He's in his early 20's and refuses to as much as take out the trash. I have always gladly cooked for him, cleaned for him, done his laundry, but lately I'm getting extremely tired of his attitude and his smart mouth telling me "he's not going to do that". He goes out of his way to 'find' something he needs to do when it's time to cut the grass or anything else that needs to be done. Now I find out that these emergencies away from home are all lies. I'm fed up! He has a full time job making his own money - none of which goes for groceries or any other necessity at home. When is it time for kids to move on and any suggestions on how that conversation should be handled?

When is it time for kids to move on????? How about yesterday!! Sorry to be so blunt, but he is not a kid any more, he is an adult. Sounds like he has been a bit spoiled and coddled. (no offense to you, of course)

I don't know what it's like to have grown children, so who knows that I might not do the same thing. But my first reaction is that he needs to get out on his own and do for himself. It really is for his benefit as well. How will he ever learn life skills if he's not forced to?

IF he cannot get out on his own then he at least needs to have some boundaries as to what is expected at home. Money towards groceries. Chores he is responsible for. Respectful behavior towards the rest of the family. If he can't live within the boundaries then he is choosing to leave.

The conversation needs to happen when there hasn't been any "friction". It should be at a time when everyone is just hanging out and brought up casually. I don't believe in the "we need to talk" approach. That just sets off people's defenses. You don't say if you are a single parent or if your spouse would back you up on this. I don't know if there are other kids in the home. IF you have a spouse, you both need to be on the same page. And my advice is not to discuss this in front of other children.

Hoping you're able to talk with him soon.

Alright, there's my two cents, now it's time for you all to pipe in. Start piping...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My Mother-in-Law Has Alzheimer's

Dear Sadie,

My MIL is 85 years old, has Alzheimer's and lives with my hubby and I. We are contemplating placing her in a Alzheimer's home. Should we do it?

Bless your heart for all you are doing for your mother-in-law. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for everyone!

Is the situation becoming too much for the two of you to handle on your own? Is it causing strife at home? Does your mother-in-law need more medical care?

These are all questions that come to my mind. Honestly, I see nothing wrong with getting her into a facility that is suited to care for someone with Alzheimer's. (Even if you are still able to care for her in your home) You should feel no guilt for considering this! I would hope if there are other family members, that they would give you their full support in whatever decision is made.

Maybe there are other readers out there who have been in similar situations and can encourage you. Whatever choice you make, you are to be commended for all that you have done!!


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

And the Winner Is...

Thank you all so much for participating in my giveaway! It was so much fun to have many new faces join in here. The winner (drawn the old fashioned way) is....

You all should go visit Sue's blog! Even though I am far from a farm girl, every time I visit her blog, Where Memories Are Made, I want to go move in with them. Congratulations!

I received lots of great questions. I will answer one of them below and hope to do one or two a day for the next couple weeks. Thanks again!

My Friend Knows it All

Dear Sadie,

My friend acts like she knows it all. Every time I say something she seems to know better. I really enjoy spending time with her. How do I tell her this offends me? I don't have many close friends so I really don't want to lose this one.

Ouch, this is a toughie!! I'm not sure if your friend is correcting things you say or if she is just opinionated and has something to add to everything. Either way it would bug me, but it's a pretty touchy subject to bring up.

If she is truly hurting your feelings by her behavior then I think you need to let her know. How to do that? Hmmm....

Next time she "corrects" you, let her know that it hurts your feelings (bothers you) and tell her that you are okay with being wrong about certain things unless she thinks you're at danger! Make sure she understands how much you value her friendship and you know she probably doesn't even realize that she's doing this to you.

Unfortunately, there are just certain friends that you have to do a "hidden eye-roll" and live with their behavior. They aren't going to change. The value of the friendship outweighs the annoyance of their actions.

There must be several of you reading this can help this reader out. What advice do you have?

Friday, April 24, 2009

How About a Giveaway??

No, I am not ashamed to give something away in order to produce more traffic on this blog!! How else will people find out about it unless they are "drawn" to it??

So...here is the deal. I will be giving away a $50 gift card from the winner's choice of Target or Amazon.com. Yes, that is FIFTY BUCKS!!

You have multiple chances to enter. Please leave a separate comment for each entry.

#1 simply leave a comment to this post for one entry

#2 for another entry start following - if you are already following you can leave that comment also

#3 grab my button and put it on your blog (once you do so, come back and let me know that you grabbed my button)

#4 write about this giveaway on your blog (don't forget to come back and tell me)

#5 for 3 more entries leave me a question by going here!! That is what this blog is all about after all. However, you won't be able to leave the question anonymously, since I will need to be able to enter you 3 times. (I do not publish your name when I answer your questions)

If you don't have a blog, you are still welcome to enter - just remember to leave your name in each entry.

So that is 7 chances to win a $50 gift card!! Contest will end at midnight EST on Monday, April 27th.

A little free advice for you all today: Be grateful!! Yep, that's it - isn't that profound?

Now get going....

Sunday, April 19, 2009

To See Him or Not To See Him

Dear Sadie,

My ex husband is trying to insert himself back into my daughters life. We have been divorced for 24 years. He hasn't had any contact with her in the past 5 years. He came to my house looking for information on how to contact her. My now husband thinks she should try to make amends with her biological dad but I disagree. She is 29 years old and there is a lot of pain still there from the past. She really doesn't want anything to do with him. We don't want her to have any regrets. Do you have any advice for this situation?

Such tough place for everyone to be in! I must say that I agree with your husband. I believe she should do whatever it takes to make amends. At least she should "try". That way she won't have any regrets.

Someone very close to me left his daughter when she was 3 and did not see her again for 17 years! I worked hard to get them to see each other because I knew how much pain he was in. Their first meeting was awkward and uncomfortable. It was necessary. Is there a relationship now? Nope. That makes me very sad. BUT his daughter at least knows there was a desire on his part, the initial contact has been made and it's up to the two of them where to take it from here.

Your daughter is 29. Obviously you love her very much and want to protect her. As a grown woman I am sure she is able to make good decisions. I would encourage her to make contact with her dad at the very least and hopefully there can be some healing.

If there are others of you out there with some advice to give, please share...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Notice Me Too

Dear Sadie,

I have a younger sister who everyone just loves. She's funny, outgoing, compassionate, talented, brave, and completely lovable. Sadly, I have almost none of those qualities. I'm shy, sarcastic, to some I probably look cold, and I have a whole lot of qualities that make others (even family) give my sister attention so much more. I'm a singer and I want to go into acting/singing but everyone tells my sister how wonderful she is and how amazing she'd be on shows like American Idol and being a Hollywood movie star when she's older...but that's something I want to pursue. (In case you're wondering, I am a teenager. No older.)

I know it's important to be yourself but how can I get attention being me? Should I work on trying bolder things? Try to change myself? Any advice you can give would be great. Thanks.

Oh, I am so glad to hear from a teen!! Love your question and love that you're willing to seek opinions from others. I bet there are lots of people out there that can relate. Maybe not wanting to sing and act, but feeling some "comparison" with siblings.

You ask a couple of really great questions. One of them, should you try to change yourself? To be honest, there are few things in the way you described yourself that lead me to believe that you're not happy with a couple of things about yourself. You say you are sarcastic and to some you probably look cold. You are describing ME!! I never felt like I fit in and to cover it up I was sarcastic and I did not talk easily with others. They thought I was a snob. Since you are aware of this, that would be the one thing I would try to work on. Try as hard as you can to be a bit more bold, fight the shyness and show people what it is that you love about yourself.

I imagine you are a very bright, outgoing, lovable person that just needs to take a leap of faith and show your "real" self. If you want to go after those things in life - being a singer/actor - GO FOR IT!! Don't let anything stop you.

We all crave attention. Even us "old people". But be sure that you're getting and attracting the right kind. Be yourself. Be your BEST self! Teen years are tough. I have a feeling you're going to be a great success. Hope you will keep in touch and keep asking questions.

What do the rest of you think? Let's help her out...

Monday, April 13, 2009

Maritial Problems - Do I Speak Up?

Dear Sadie,

My daughter and her husband have started having marital problems. It seems that he is infatuated with a married woman at work. He secretly e mails and texts her. The married woman encourages it, knowing my daughter will find out, then she plays innocent. My daughter has threatened to leave if this doesn't stop but he begs her not to. As her mother, do you think I should remain quiet or kick his butt all across the state? It is very hard watching my daughter be mistreated.

WOW! First of all I am sorry that your daughter is going through this. What heartache this must be causing her. Obviously, as her mom you are feeling that pain right along with her. That is a hard question to answer as far as what your role should be. Does your daughter want you involved? Is she sharing things with you? Will you be able to forgive him if everything works out between your daughter and husband some day?

If your daughter was fine with you talking to her husband then I would say "go for it". It would take a lot of restraint to remain calm and encourage him to do what is right. I don't know if you're one who prays, but I know that would be the number one thing for me to do before I would even begin to open my mouth. I have a habit of speaking my mind before I think.

Even though you didn't ask about this I would like to say that I hope your daughter is able to set some boundaries. Letting him know what is okay and what is not okay in their marriage. How she expects to be treated as a wife. Old saying - but we teach others how to treat us. I am never one to advise someone to divorce but I do believe in seeking good counsel and possibly separating if that could bring some healing.

I'm sure there are others out there with some wisdom to share...please share it!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

To Tattoo or Not to Tattoo

Go Sadie!!!! I love it! Here's my question though.

Where is one place you should absolutely, positively not get a tattoo?

Love, Lila

Oh "Lila".......have you been spying on me lately? Do you know my secret? This question is very timely. I will just let you all wonder why.

Anyway, to answer your question I believe there are a few places that one should never get a tattoo. The first would be the forehead ('nuff said). The other place would be on the breast, unless of course you don't mind your tattoo becoming LONGER as you age!! Not a pretty sight!

I know you didn't ask about my opinion of tattoos in general, but I am gonna give it. Really I believe that if someone wants a tattoo, it should be in an area that can be easily covered up. You're going to be living with it the rest of your life. It should have some special significance to you. AND it should not be done just to draw attention to yourself.

If someone were to perhaps get "beauty from ashes" tattooed on their foot - OH I think that would be absolutely lovely!!!!!!

Thoughts on tattooing???

Monday, April 6, 2009

My Friend is More Than Needy

Dear Sadie - I am blessed with many friends and I love each and every one of them. I also feel as if I'm a loyal, compassionate person that these friends know that they can turn to in times of trouble. But one of these friends has begun to suffocate me lately. What do you do about someone that seems to sing the blues constantly? Who doesn't seem happy unless they are bringing drama to the table? You try to be their cheerleader and perk them up, show them the sunny side, but they prefer to wallow in all that's wrong with life. You know the type, glass half empty. Any advice?

Oh boy!!! First of all, it sounds like you are a great friend. Probably everyone knows they can come to you and you will always listen. As someone who is usually pretty upbeat myself I struggle with those who "sing the blues". I am not saying that as friends we shouldn't be a safe place for others to vent, but I do tire of hearing about ALL of their problems.

Probably you've tried all of these things but here are some suggestions. I would try to turn conversations around and point out the positive. Sometimes I might even ignore a comment instead of feeding into what they are saying. There are those people who do not want to be "cheered up" and maybe the more cheering you do, the more she we won't want to share with you! Ok, that just sounds mean, but hopefully you know what I'm saying.

Hate to say this, but there are certain people that I end up simply ignoring. I tire of hearing the same issues over and over. Life is very hard for most people, but we don't need for that to be our focus. As a Christian I can pray for that friend that she would seek God's guidance more than mine,but in the end it's up to her to choose where her focus is. These friendships can become toxic and I personally believe it's okay to distance yourself.

I know I've been no help whatsoever! Hopefully there are others out there with more wisdom than I have today.

Alright, there's my two cents, now it's time for you all to pipe in. Start piping...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

A Hairy Deal

Dear Sadie,

I have heard that as you get older you shouldn't continue to wear long hair. Do you agree that there is a certain age that women should start wearing their hair shorter?

Great question! Honestly when I first read it I immediately thought "that's right, older women should NOT wear long hair"! But where did that thought come from? I think it came from my mother. She always told me that.

So, in thinking it through for myself, here is my opinion. Most women probably do look better with their hair shorter as they age. I'm not talking about everyone has to have a pixie, but often long hair can age you and make your face drawn out. However, I have several friends who carry off the long hair very well and I think they know when it's time to get a little shorter. And what is "older" anyway? I am talking in circles here!

For the most part, I would agree that shorter is better past 50ish?? Oh boy, I can see myself in trouble already. This blog may be shuttin' down! Here is a for sure no-no. If I see any of you looking like this I will personally get out the scissors!

Alright, there's my two cents, now it's time for you all to add yours...