Need My Husband's Help

Ok, so I am asking a question….more for 3 more entries for the giveaway, but also, would like someone else's opinion, who doesn't know me or my husband.

We recently welcomed our third baby…we have two older kids in school, and I work full-time outside of the home. My husband also works, but is technically laid off right now. He is doing some work here and there to make up the income.

Yes, he works in construction and has a labor intensive job, so he's usually tired when he comes home, plus, he's 41, so he thinks he's falling apart. The thing is, though, that's all he does when he gets home. Ok, well, he does cook dinner, but I usually end up cleaning up afterwards. I do all the laundry (for 5 people, washing, drying, folding AND putting it away), I do ALL the cleaning (dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing bathrooms/ kitchen counters, etc., organizing, putting things away, cleaning out the mail, etc). I feel that I do more than my share of any house work and that I have to ask him to do something. I have to remind him on garbage days, I have to ask him to give the kids a bath if I'm feeding the baby, etc. On top of all that, I am nursing, so right now, besides having to take the time to pump just so he can feed him, I am the only one feeding the baby and getting up in the middle of the night. I am so exhausted and just feel like he's taking advantage of me. I hate having to ask him to do anything, I shouldn't have to ask, but if I don't, he doesn't do a thing. Can't he see that there is dog hair all over the dining room floor? Can't he see that there are two laundry baskets of clean clothes that are already folded and need to be put away? He doesn't ever act like the mess and chaos bothers him, so if I leave it, it doesn't stress him out like it does me. Now, he's all over me because he wants to bring the intimacy back into our lives; always saying and doing things to try to let me know that he's ready. BUT, after all of this, I'm so exhausted, angry, fed-up, stressed out, that sex is the very last thing on my mind. I do everything I can to avoid having sex with him because of all these emotions I'm feeling. When I tell him I'm just too tired, he acts like I'm the worst person in the world because I'm too tired to be with him. But, if I tell him what's really bothering me he acts like I just said "I'm the only person who works around here" and then gets defensive because he works all day, and does more physical work in one day than I do in one week….but, just because I sit at a desk all day, doesn't mean that I'm not totally exhausted (mentally) at the end of the day.

Ok, so I guess, I don't have a question here, but need some advice as to how to work this into the conversation and discuss it rationally with my husband, of 9 years….
There you have it… Thanks.

You certainly have your hands full!! First of all, I commend you for recognizing there is an issue and wanting to know how to address it with him. So many wives just "go after" their husbands, telling them all that they are doing wrong. That is NOT the way to communicate. I need to tell you that much of what you describe would be pretty typical of men. (that is NOT bashing men) They don't read minds and really do want to and need to be told what you expect.

Sure, we would like them to know our needs and just meet them - but it doesn't work like that. I've said this before, never have a conversation in the heat of an argument or when your emotions are running high. Sometime when you and your husband are just enjoying some quiet time (I know, dont' laugh) let him know how you are feeling and the importance of his contribution around the house.

Oh...about the "sex". Hate to tell ya but it really is necessary for the man to feel loved this way. The more loved he feels this way, the more likely he is to meet your needs. That is not manipulation, just the facts.

Women with children...please do not leave here without giving our sister some help!!

Thanks for writing in, I pray that you feel appreciated.